I just couldn’t get past the grief long enough to see that they needed me.
July 23, 2024 by Sheryl J. Moore
I’ve struggled with wanting to live. Not now, but twice I thought that living wasn’t for me. Both times were after my firstborn’s suicide.
The grief was indescribable. The depression was unreal. I was hallucinating from the medications.
And I tried to end my life. Then, I went inpatient.
I learned that I needed to say “yes” to the people in my life.
“Do you want to go to the park with the baby?”
Yes.
“Do you want to go get groceries for us?”
Yes.
“Do you want to come to her graduation party?”
Yes.
So, I started getting out of my bed more often.
The hospital suggested that I find something to look forward to. I couldn’t have improved without their help.
Unbelievably, a TV show helped me recover. I knew that every Thursday at 7 pm on NBC, “The Black List” was on.
It was the ONLY thing I looked forward to, at that point in my life.
That is hard to say because I still had LIVING children. I just couldn’t get past the grief long enough to see that they needed me.
Ultimately, the kids saved my life. Both times. I knew I couldn’t do to them, what AJ did to me.
I am sharing this with you, not to get pity. I am better now. I still have to take meds, but I am not depressed. My grief comes in waves, but I do okay 99% of the time.
I am sharing this because today a friend reminded me that some people are struggling with mental health. And they cannot talk about it.
It is okay to need a mental health day. It is okay to talk about suicide. It is okay to NOT to be okay.
*************************You are not alone. <3************************* -sjm